HOLY COCO!

Ice T’s Wife Coco had dunk cleavage for days as she ripped the runway of the Sachika Twins Spring 2011 show yesterday in New York. Sachika’s moment “encourages women to be independent, strong, and ambitious” and their clothing targets “the modern woman who radiates confidence and takes charge of her own destiny.”
The only encouragement this has given me is a race to the gym. Thanks Coco! -Mk

NY is the truth

Realizing that I am truly grateful and more than blessed is an understatement to the feeling I had the other night at JFK in New York. I sobbed like a child walking through the security check point and even worse at the gate when I found out my flight was 3 hours delayed. I never thought I would be able to miss my home this much until I realized I have (2) homes now.

I flew into New York late Wednesday night for a little R&R, start of MB Fashion Week antics, a promise to see my family, and high expectations to see my friends that I truly adore now more than ever. All that came true with lessons learned. After this “trip” or I should say blessing in disguise I have decided to eliminate certain poisons in my life and take on the most incredible advice I have EVER heard! All coming from four different individuals who hold a high place in my heart. I came with full intentions to spend the most time with these four individuals and that’s exactly what had fell into place during my stay.

I have NEVER felt more LOVED in all of my life. A feeling I have truly been waiting to feel my ENTIRE life. I had friends and family hounding me to find out where I was at every minute of the day just so they can get to me and have a minimum of 10 minutes with me. You couldn’t smack the smile off my face no matter how hard you hit..(I would hit back though…) I played a tourist with shopping, visiting St. Patrick’s Cathedral, Lincoln Center, and the works! Dabbled in the nightlife that I am slowly getting more and more turned off by. Experienced FNO aka Animal’s Night Out and stayed up till the late hours of the night reminiscing with the best of friends. I couldn’t ask for a better way to spend every hour of my 4 days in New York.

I received verification that I need to make certain changes in my life with the energy I choose to surround myself with. I no longer want any negativity in my life. I may be young and naïve, but I’m not stupid enough to continue to have people in life that want to use me for my kindness. I am a good person, and care A LOT about the circle that I keep around me. Not everyone is worth being in that circle anymore. I believe it’s just the way it has to be. I strongly advise everyone to re-think who they have in their life that is toxic or a real epic fail and poof vamoose with them!

My father and I tend to get into these deep life conversations sometimes and this weekend we def got into a big one. We talked about how much I have changed this year with all the changes that have occurred. Loss of work, having two months off, making a last minute decision on a move cross country, my decisions and mistakes, and the complete loss of trust that I have for anyone to be let into my heart. Truth is I find NOTHING wrong with anything that has happened this year. All that has happened lead me to where I am now…A BETTER PLACE! I LOVE my new work position, LOVE my new relaxed and gorgeous environment, LOVE that I had two months to think about what really matters in my life and a chance to calm down from that STRESS that I held on to called my job, and I DO STILL BELIEVE IN TRUSTING someone that I LOVE. When it comes to LOVE ADVICE my father has the best line for me…”Men see what they want, women hear what they want.” Glad to have this as advice because I don’t believe a thing anyone says, you can show me who you really are if you want to have anything to do with me.

I had someone ask me a long time ago if I am proud of who I am and the decisions I have made in my life. What answer do you think I gave them? DAMN STRAIGHT I’M PROUD! I believe in myself and with the power that I can truly have anything I WANT. I believe in telling the TRUTH and giving ANY and EVERYTHING I have to offer. Keeping a guard up with my HEART and letting a limited amount of people in. YOU know who you are.

Mk.

You're Impossible.

I’ve always been able to control everything, except for my heart, especially around you. When you walk into a room, there is no controlling that light-headed feeling along with a serious bout of butterflies. No matter how many times my head has tried to talk myself out of you, it seems to me, that love conquers all sorts of rationality.

We have a deep friendship that runs past any attraction to one another. The last time I saw you, I felt like you and I were best friends, yet the tension could have been cut with a knife. I longed so much to just passionately kiss you, but I couldn’t for fear of the aftermath. You proved not to be ready for any sort of serious commitment, and now you may be, but I’m far too afraid to ask. I want you and your heart so terribly bad, but my fear of rejection is crippling me.

We’ve had our ups and down. I’ve convinced myself I hated you, I’ve convinced myself you didn’t care about me. I’ve told all my friends that you never meant anything, a guy who I could do much better than, and they agreed. But I always let you right back in. It is like you are the only person who I’ve ever given a key to my heart. All within the shortest period of time. You know my goals, my hopes, my fears, my struggles. I can try to hide them from you with my sharp words and short answers, but you are the only one who seems to be able to read the thoughts right behind my eyes. But with you, I never really know. Could your charm be deceiving me into thinking that you really care? That is what my head tells me, night after night. But when you remember my favorite animal and my feelings and ask me about ME and tell me you believe in ME, it is hard to think that you are just trying to sleep with me when your not.

Our run-around has gone on for so long, and I just want us to be together. I think you are finally getting in a state where you can handle a relationship, and I don’t want anyone else. I can’t say I will wait for you, but my heart knows I will. I’m so afraid you will fall for someone else, but then every time we speak  my fears melt away. I told you that you deserve to be single in this moment, but selfishly bit my lip every time.

When I see you, the feelings will be intensified even more. It is so hard for me to resist you, and I wonder if you feel the same way. And even if you do, I wonder if you are too afraid to do anything about it. Reasons visible to everyone else but us. I don’t know, but I would love to feel what a real relationship would be like with you. We both know it would work and be magical, but we are mutually afraid to fall.

You are my puzzle. I can control every other aspect of my life, but my feelings for you never seem to dwindle. I just wish we could start putting this puzzle together. When your ready you’ll understand it was YOU all along.

Samantha Gradoville by Pierre Even for Numéro China September 2010

What Matters

Ryan Leslie x Fabolous "You Be Killin Em" In-Studio