Thank You.

somewhere someone is looking at their significant other and saying thank you.

they're looking at them, their face. that familiar face that their lips know as well as their eyes know. every highlight and shadow that make up that gorgeous structure.

the scruff and the little nook where their nose turns into their cheek. the cheek that they kiss once before they kiss the other.

they're looking at them and saying it with each kiss. they're saying it with each glance into those kind, mischievous, understanding eyes.

they say thank you when their fingers touch and their palms interconnect with each other like pieces of a puzzle.

they say it when they wake up to an arm and a body wrapping its warmth around their arm and their body.

they say it through a shrug of the shoulders. a raised eyebrow. a laugh. a scrunched nose.

thank you. they say.

thank you for being mine. thank you for being you. for letting me in. for wanting me as much as i want you.

thank you for you. and for me. and for you and me being here, together.

Happy Birthday to my HERO!

Preparing my speech for my father's birthday tonight...

"The occasion of your birthday, I wanted to share some true words that have been on my mind for some time. As your first child I am proud and blessed to have this opportunity to stop and reflect on a remarkable person who I am fortunate enough to have shaped my life and my being with love and guidance. I am also saddened that I cannot be around you everyday and tell you again how much I love you and respect you and appreciate everything you’ve done for me, for longer than I can remember.

So let me simply say, Dad, that I look at you as a hero, as my hero. You are an amazing man, one that I admire and appreciate and love. You showed me how to have fun, how to enjoy life, what family REALLY means, what leadership and sacrifice and responsibility and joy means. You have given me the very essence of how I perceive life and I cannot express how profoundly grateful I am for all that you have done.

I have so many memories of the kindness, and love and fun that you brought to my life over the years. Many of the best are the simplest. Like my fond memory of feeding your vcr with toothpaste, peach pits, and banana peels. Or the time you got me a mini car that I could only drive around in your bedroom. Or the time you took me on long walks around the neighborhood with your long leg strides and my short running legs with ONE HUGE ROCK inside of it! – Simple, perfect, ever lasting PAIN is what I recall! I didn't say a word because I didn't want to ruin the moment I had being with you for the day. Moments and memories that were created and I am grateful to look back and realize that I was pretty stupid as a kid!

Thank you Dad for all of those and many, many memories and your LOVE. For being my HERO. Truly! I love you from the bottom of my heart. You are a great man and I am so fortunate to be your daughter."

Mk.

So finally, this is me moving on.

We all have our own way of moving on from a relationship. Sometimes words are the strongest when they have your entire heart poured into it. Read below for a friend that has truly let go, and in terms is finally moving on.

I'm writing you to tell you that I'm moving on. Which may or may not mean anything to you, but honestly that is beside the point. Writing this letter to you is more for my sake, and pretty much has less to do with you receiving it and more about me writing it. You see I am a true master at not dealing with things. I'm sure you could see that, I'm not fooling anyone so I'm not going to fool myself anymore. I push all the hurts and the scars and the less than lovely things into deep recesses in my mind to forget about. That is until something small and insignificant arises that reminds me of whatever it is tucked away into those neat little boxes in my mind turning me into a complete mess once again. I can never move forward because of this. You once said you wanted to see me fly. In order to do that I have to deal with all the shit that's weighing me down and keeping my feet from leaving the ground.

I have the chance to be with someone good. Someone who is genuine and has the time and patience to deal with a girl like me. Someone who I believe I can open up to, and not use whatever I say against me. I've realized that I need to learn to love the things that are good for me, and he might very well be one of those things. So in order to not fuck up this beautiful opportunity for happiness, I need to deal with us. Here I go...

I do not know why I feel attached to you. It's not like we were together very long. And it's not like we were even together. maybe it was the first night with you. Perhaps it was the idea of what it could be. Or you scooping me up in your arms and that first kiss. Or maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that I did not feel afraid at all with you. You spent that whole night with me on my tiny uncomfortable couch, and in the weeks to come I would memorize the sound of you breathing. And when you talked in your sleep which made me laugh. Mainly because of the conversation that you were having with yourself.  I never thought that we would top that night. And for a while we didn't come close. Until that night you showed up on my doorstep without warning because you knew my heart was breaking. And you sat with me outside and let me cry and didn't force me to talk because you knew I wasn't quite ready yet.


I think that was when I unconsciously gave you my heart. Because it wasn't about us, it was about me and my brokenness, it was about the well being of my soul and you cared about that. That's what made you different than the others. I tried to tell myself that you used me. Because I know how to deal with liars and pretenders and manipulators. Because I can cry and eat a pint of ice cream and say 'fuck boys' and then get over it. It's much harder to get over someone who at one point cared for me. And I'm not even sure if I know how but I'll do my best. I thought maybe that closure was the answer. But I don't even think this idea of closure even exists.

"Closure" is just a term created by people so they can ask the same questions over and over hoping that someday they might get a different answer. I don't need any answers. I never really understood why you didn't want me anymore, and perhaps I never will, but that doesn't really matter. Because the fact is that you didn't want me anymore. And all I can do is accept that. And I do, I accept that. I'm not going to forget about you. That's not my goal here. My goal is to be able to look back on everything objectively and remember the things I learned about myself and the things I learned about people and life without feeling the pain that goes a long with these kinds of things.

So finally, this is me moving on. This is me wishing you well in whatever you pursue. This is me wishing you joy and happiness. And to one day, perhaps, being friends.

GOD BLESS AMERICA MY HOME MY SHOE!

Best Thing I Never Had

Best Thing I Never Had by Beyoncé

There was a time

I thought, that you did everything right

No lies, no wrong

Boy I, must’ve been outta my mind

So when I think of the time that I almost loved you

You showed your ass and I saw the real you

Thank God you blew it

Thank God I dodged the bullet

I’m so over you

So baby good lookin’ out

The Danja Zone: Thursday @ SL

Click on Photo to be brought to my Cousin's Website for SERIOUS Photography

LIFE

I am of both your directions

Existing more with the cold frost

Strong as a cobweb in the wind

Hanging downward the most

Somehow remaining

those beaded rays have the colours

I've seen in paintings -
AH LIFE

they have cheated you

thinner than a cobweb's thread

sheerer than any-

but it did attach itself

and held fast in strong winds

and singed by the leaping hot fires

life-of which at singular times

I am both of your directions-

somehow I remain hanging downward the most

as both of your directions pull me

PRECIOUS

Precious from monica menez on Vimeo.

Dear Friend: Start LIVING you didn't LOSE everything!

The following is letter that I sent to my best friend. She recently broke up with her boyfriend and needs guidance in the right direction. We all can give the best advice, but it is difficult to take it. My approach is always hard hitting and straight to the point. I am going to say it how it is and how it WILL be. You will realize that you actually gained something from a break up. You gained YOURSELF. 
(Please note that with respect to her privacy I have taken out her name, and references that would lead anyone to her)


Dear ######:

You know that I give nothing but tough love to you and my closest friends so please do not be offended by anything. Consider it a love smack by your best friend! When you were in that relationship, you had a one-track mind: your boyfriend. Now that you two broke up, you have a one-track mind: your ex-boyfriend. At what point will you forget the past and start thinking only about YOU? You don’t have to think about your past; you don’t have to think about what is gone; you don’t have to think about the love you are missing out on. It is better to be free than be enslaved by a tumultuous relationship; some love can’t be repaired. Yet now that you are out of it, you don’t know how to be free. It is a paradox. You are too paralyzed to move on because you are venturing into the unknown. Standing still is the initial reaction because you don’t know where else to go. You are abandoned in the blistering cold.

There is far too much life to live fully and alone to dwell on the what-if. Time quickly passes that you can never recover. I personally don’t want to live with regret. Dwelling and pitying has eaten years of my life. Even thinking about ONE SINGLE YEAR! 365 days. I could have done a million things in a year, but I did nothing! Never again.

Selfishness is healthy. After a break-up, you absolutely must be selfish. You must immerse yourself in new experiences, activities, and relationships to help create a new identity. All of the mental energy you possess must be devoted to repair and self-restoration. Nothing else. Otherwise your identity from the past remains your identity in the present. You must change EVERYTHING- experiment, risk, explore. Putting yourself out on a limb makes you stronger and more confident. Only you can change, there is nothing external that will initiate the process. I choose my thoughts; I choose my behaviors; I choose my proactivity. No one else can change these things. This is my biggest trap. I want some event to turn it all around, but this isn’t how it works. Change is a daily process- it is a lifestyle. Incremental, not overnight. I've said it a million times over to you "the universe will reward you when you make a change!"

There is tremendous power in self-mastery; it is a journey I have been toying with for a long time, but have yet to aggressively pursue it. Old thoughts and habits inhibit my success, as I let them destroy all progress in one single swoop. I work so hard, yet give it all away because my mind convinces me I am not worth it. This is a habit, not who I am. I must rid myself of it. Only you can be your own biggest cheerleader- it’s not vain and conceited; it is a necessity. If you tell yourself something over and over, you eventually believe it; THIS IS SO TRUE!

Ridding yourself of the past is no different than ridding yourself of any kind of addiction. You simply can’t go back; not even one taste. It is an all or nothing. Letting your past creep in is dangerous because it can take over. You just need to distance yourself. If its meant to be you two will find each other! You don’t have to let it control you; you just have to resist the urge to succumb to it. No pictures, no texts, no drunken calls. Nothing!

Life must move on. The world doesn’t stop spinning just because you can’t see the light of day. Life is waiting. Don’t miss out on it. Every second is a chance to be born again. Embrace the opportunities life has to offer- regret is probably more painful than heartache. You can love again, but you can’t live again.

You are my best friend and I love you but you need to START LIVING!


LOVE always,


Mk.

The Beauty in LOVE

Relationships come with a lot of tribulations. We fight, we yell, we get jealous, we cry, we feel pain, we hurt, we scream, we get frustrated, we get angry, we get upset, we break up and our emotions take us over. So why do we do it? Why would we want to feel not just sad, but truly hurt, sad to the point where your whole body hurts just because of one person, sad to the point where you feel empty when everything falls apart, sad to the point where your heart aches for the company of that being. I’ll tell you why I do it, its because besides all those moments when your stupidity gets in the way of what your truly feeling and you “fight”, the moments when you are truly loving someone are the most touching, astounding, magnificent moments you will ever experience. When two people are just loving each other its magical. And to those of you who are to scared of getting hurt and too scared of the baggage that comes with relationships, let me tell you this, having someone you love and having them love you back is a feeling that you can not substitute. Having someone look at you with such a deep emotion is remarkable. Having someone touch with so much care brings a feeling of weightlessness throughout your whole body. Having someone whisper they love you feels like they screamed it. Having someone to hold your hand at all times just feels special. Having someone to be your best friend and be loyal to you and never lie to you feels so safe. So yeah, relationships suck, breaking up hurts, but having that someone that you feel so comfortable with, someone that you let inside your soul, someone that lets you inside theirs, someone to talk to at all hours during the day, someone to laugh with, someone to fall asleep with, having someone that is your other half for whatever amount of time you are together, is true beauty and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Chris Brown feat. Benny Benassi - Beautiful People

Sometimes words like this NEED to be said to touch your heart

"Please relax and breath and cry if you need to. This is life Mirlinda, you can't let the downs get to you, it will ruin you're spirit. Push hard and keep waking up early! Keep paying a little bit at a time. Plan your next move. Follow through in everything that you do. Leave a place with peace, so you can always return.


Today and tomorrow are a new day, soon enough you'll be free."